So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
