so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
