My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
