during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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