from now on my penis is your penis
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
