when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
