I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
