He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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