You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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