I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
