My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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