the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
