The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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