I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
