it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize