I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
