in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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