She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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