Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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