Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
