He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
