I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
