If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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