Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
