he thought i was a dude.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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