I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
