I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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