There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
