i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
