you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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