it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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