So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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