just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
