Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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