Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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