i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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