I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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