He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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