dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize