i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
why do cheetos always look like penises
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize