Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
