my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
