Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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