i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
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