No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
