I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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