some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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