I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
