I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
