Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize