mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
