Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
