I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
