Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
