Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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