just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
