I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
