WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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