I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
