You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
