i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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