My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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