I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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