so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
